Lactose Intolerant Lyrics

I lack the enzymes
To properly digest lactose
I can't drink cow's milk
I can't drink milk from a goat
Yogurt, cottage cheese
Make me throw up
Please no cream in my cup

My stomach is swelling
I am lactose --- intolerant
My throat is constricting
I am lactose --- intolerant
-- parody from 9/15/95 Bonnie Hunt episode of "Late Show with David
Letterman"; to the tune of "Time After Time"