Packet Man Lyrics

Excuse me trooper, will you be needing any packets today?
Yo, B, don't be throwin' on my jacket, okay?
Cool, just trying to get your attention
So you can take a look at this invention
Now peep these, I got some more in my jacket
Man, what are these, condoms? Uh uh, s*x packets
It's like a pill, you can either chew it up

Or like an alka-seltzer, dissolve it in a cup
And get this, see the girl on the cover?
You black out, and she becomes your lover
You're trippin' no, I'm serious, these are authentic
Yeah, well I don't take hallucinogenics
Wrong again, my man, this is way more real
But since you know everything, I'll make someone else a deal

Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man

Well now you got me curious, I'm kind thinkin bout buyin' it
Three for ten dollars, it can't hurt to try it
Well what exactly do I get? Read what it says, look at the picture
Bet it says Chinese girl, age 17, waist 24, hips 33
This one here says young black virgin, man this is crazy
I'm gonna have to splurge an get me a few of these things
How long do they last? Well it depends, let's see
These cheap ones here are ten minutes

But these are extra power, they last about a half an hour
And these here sell for bout 40 'cause you get two girls
Yeah it says orgy right, and if you're married, it's no big deal
You're not cheating at all, you're just poppin' a pill
And if your wife's got a headache and wants to hit the sack
It's cool, take a packet fool biochemically compacted s*xual affection
Now here, take a look at my selection

Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man

Okay, I want these two boxes of three and give my Blondy here
And that one that says orgy and, by the way
I need something for my woman, sure, I got guy packets cool
Give me some of 'em, now let me tell you how to take it
Either sit of lie down and you really should be naked
Otherwise you're gonna mess up your clothes, know what I mean?
This is more then just a dream, it's very realistic and it's gonna
Blow your mind so be careful, only take one at a time and

Never take one behind the wheel, you'll black out and hit a pole
Cool, let's make the deal these are 40, these are 80, and this
One here is 10 just give me a hundred dollars, I'll call it even
But don't pull your money out yet, see there's one or two
Narcs in this area that sweat me over here, yeah, this looks
Kinda cool, 20, 40, 60, 80 a hundred, sh move, here's my number
In case you need to reach me again and remember
You need to be as safe as you can there's only one thing
Safer then using your hand dial that beeper number
And call the packet man

Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man
Yeah, he's the packet man

Digital Underground - Sex Packets

Mar 1990

1. The Humpty Dance
2. The Way We Swing
3. Rhymin' On The Funk
4. The New Jazz (One)
5. Underwater Rimes (Remix)
6. Gutfest '89 (Edit)
7. The Danger Zone
8. Freaks Of The Industry
9. Doowutchyalike
10. Packet Prelude
11. Sex Packets
12. Street Scene
13. Packet Man
14. Packet Reprise