The Haircut Song Lyrics

The song The Haircut Song is performed by Ray Stevens in the album named Ray Stevens' Box Set in the year 2006 .



When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home
When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair

Well, Butte, Montana just a'pa*sin' through, one thing I just had to do
Had to get a haircut and I was worried for my hair
I had a feeling of impending doom the minute I stepped into that room
And laid my eyes upon that barber chair

It was a macho barber shop. Hair dryers were mounted on a rifle rack.
Wasn?t no mirrors. The barber chair was a Peterbilt... Barber walked in;
he was huge, seven feet tall, three hundred pounds of spring steel and
rawhide. Wearin' a hard hat, chewin' a cigar, had a t-shirt on -- said,
I hate musicians. Threw me in the chair, sneered and said, What'll it
be pal? Now a lot of people would be intimidated in a situation like
this...I was not. I am what I am, play my piano, and sing my little
songs. I looked him right in the eye and I said, I'm a logger - just up
from Coos Bay, Oregon. Been toppin' trees - quite possibly the toughest
man in the entire world. He said, All right! he gave me a haircut and
I walked out of there friends, my hair was gone! Made Kojak look like
Bill Golden. Yeah, had a tremendous craving to operate heavy equipment.
Now, you may think that Butte, Montana haircut's the worst any man could
ever get...Wrong!

Well, a few months later I was in LA, truckin along on a smoggy day
I needed a haircut so bad I looked like Bozo the Clown
I was looking shaggy, not too good, I'd put it off as long as I could
And Lord, I hate to get a haircut out of town

Well, I walked in immediately and realized immediately that this guy was
into punk rock. The walls were done in black leather. Had chains and
whips and handcuffs hanging on me. Barber walked in, he had orange hair.
Black mascara. Stainless steel teeth. Black leather jacket with zinc
studs. He threw me in the chair, hit me a couple times - whap, whap -
chained me down, threw a Nazi flag over me. Said, I'm going to tell you
something that might make you a little nervous. I laughed. Ha ha
ha... I said, What could possibly make me nervous? He said, I'm
gay. Nooo problem. I'm not threatened in any way. I mean, I'm secure in
my manhood, everything is cool I am what I am, play my little piano,
sing my little songs. I looked him right in the eye. I said, I'm a
logger. Played football in high school. I was in the Marine Corps. He
said All right and he gave me a haircut. I walked out of there,
friends, my hair was purple. Well, at least that Mohawk section down the
middle was purple. Had a white streak down one side... other side looked
like Mr. T. Had a couple safety pins in my cheeks. Felt a teeeeny bit
conspicuous. Luckily, my next job was in San Fransisco. Shoot, I got
there and I didn't even stand out at all. Wasn't even close! Those
people thought I was an insurance salesman!

Well, a few months later, I was way down south, grits and gravy and hush
your mouth
Hair so long I'm startin' to look like a man in drag
It was then that the sheriff walked up and said, Boy, you got too much
hair on your head...
You better get yourself a haircut or a dog tag!
Well, when I stepped into the shop, I realized immediately that I was
dealing with a born-again barber. Don't see too many barber shops with a
steeple, had an organ in the corner, a choir. An usher led me to the
barber chair. Barber walked in, started saying grace, Oh Lord, for
these haircuts we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.
Dominus possum pax probiscus, post mortem, et tu brute, puella
carborundum. He was sorta half-Baptist, half-Catholic... kind of a
Cathtist. He started cuttin' my hair and preachin' at the same time. I
mean he's a wild man, scissors and razors a'flyin' around my head, he's
talkin'about the liquor and wild women and music and s*x and the evils
of dancing and the music business in general. Then he looked down at me
and he said, What do you do for a living? Now, I'm not ashamed of what
I do for a livin'. Workin' bars and casinos, around liquor and wild
women, I just play my piano, sing my little songs. I looked him right in
the eye and I said, I run this church for loggers...

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home
When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair



Ray Stevens - Ray Stevens' Box Set

Feb 2006

  1. It's Me Again, Margaret
  2. Too Drunk To Fish
  3. Misty
  4. Freudian Slip
  5. Sittin' Up With The Dead
  6. Everything Is Beautiful
  7. Power Tools
  8. Drivers Education
  9. Hang Up And Drive
  10. Ahab The Arab
  11. The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone (The Beginning)
  12. Blue Angel
  13. The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone (The End?)
  14. Pledging My Love
  15. The Woogie Boogie
  16. Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
  17. The Haircut Song
  18. The Streak
  19. The Mississippi Squirrel Revival
  20. Family Funeral Fight
  21. Deerslayer
  22. Safe At Home
  23. Boogie Woogie
  24. Virgil And The Moonshot
  25. The Hustler
  26. Osama Yo' Mama
  27. Hello Mama
  28. Let's Roll
  29. We're Havin' A Baby
  30. When The Kids Are Gone
  31. Turn Your Radio On
  32. Kitty Cat's Revenge
  33. Juanita & The Kids
  34. Thank You
  35. Shriner's Convention
  36. Nashville
  37. Erik The Awful
  38. The Dog Song
  39. The Cat Song
  40. When I Get Over You
  41. The Pirate Song
  42. Come On Home To Baseball
  43. Gitarzan
  44. Bridget The Midget
  45. Bon Temps Roulette
  46. Freddie Feelgood (And His Funky Little Five Piece Band
  47. Gone For Good
  48. Stand Up
  49. The King Of Christmas
  50. Be Your Own Best Friend
  51. Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick

The Haircut Song