Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo: Early '50s... Lyrics

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose..
And we all know frosty who's made out of snow..
But all of those stories seem kind of, Gay..
Cos we all know who brightens up our holiday..

Mr Hanky, The Christmas Poo
Small and Brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeezin' 'tween your festive buns!
A present from down below
Speading joy with a 'howdy ho'!
He's seen the love inside of you
Cos he's a piece of poo!

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown, or greenish-brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town..
Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore vicariously, he loves you
'I can make a Mr Hanky too'!

'
Mr Hanky: 'HOWDY HO!'

I'm Mr Hanky, the Christmas poo..
Seasons greetings to all of you..
Lets sing songs, and dance, and play..
Now, before I melt away..
Here's a game I like to play..
Stick me in your mouth and try to say..
'Howdy ho ho, yum yum yum
Christmas time has come!'

Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water..
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your a*s
And wont fall in the toilet, cos he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off, and so you shake your a*s around..
And try to get it to drop in the toilet
And finally it does..

Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo
Christmas leaves, he must leave too..
Flush him down, but he's never gone,
His smell and his spirit lingers on.
Howdy ho!