Merry F@#%in' Christmas

Old Saint Nick's got Bourbon breath It's so cold you could catch your death A cop sold me some crystal meth It's a merry f**kin' Christmas Everything's so Criss-muss-ee The streets are twinkling with frozen pee My priest just sat on Santa's knee It's a merry f**kin' Christmas All the kids go to bed each night To dream what Santa brings 'em Unless they're Jewish or Muslim Or some other gyp religion Crappy toys flyin' off the shelves Midgets dressed up to look like elves Spread good cheer or burn in Hell It's a merry f**kin' Christmas Cracklin' fires to keep me warm And my collection of Asian porn Cradle my bells and work my horn It's a keep-on-truckin' Last-year-s*ckin' Midget-chuckin' Slap-the-puckin' How-much-wood-could-a-woodchuck-chuckin' Merrrry fuuuuckin' Christmaaaaaas