A Letter To Shania Twain Lyrics

Last Christmas I went up in niceville, for a little vacation,and ah, boy I love Shania Twain, boy I tell you what,she makes me hornier than a retard watchin' baywatch, but anyway I read her letter in the hotel room I had one of these nice fancy hotels, so I tried to seduce her and sent her this letter, this is my letter to Shania and she actually got this letter:

Dear Shania,
Your finer than hell, I'd eat your turds, you think I'm kiddin', I figured that charmer off the bat, I'd treat you like a prize winnin' hog and give you the run of my home stayed where I live down here, off the alagator infested lake, tell you what, they caught a big oh 16 foot long gator in that lake by me, dats right, where talkin' world record gator, tell me now you ain't got hard nipples, from our home stay, tell you what Shania, I ain't like them niceville pus*y's, I'd treat you all the best things life had to offer, please call me, here, I'm stayin' at the chugg-a-lugg Inn, across from that big muffler joint, boy I got me one of them wigglin' beds, I tell you what if you want one I'll sperge and borrow you a couple of quarters, fifty cents will give ya almost 10 mintues of bed wigglin', you know vibratin', to let you know I mean business Shania bought datin' you know and to let ya know that, I ain't know lowlie hard up scumball, I even closed a couple of gifts in this fancy Chugg-a-lugg Inn hotel envolope, thats right theres a bunch of coupons for that fancy longjohn service restroom down the street, and let me tell you sumethin' and if don't ever use that one coupon thats in there for extra hushpuppies, send that son of a bitch back cause I might give that to my sister and her husband for there anniversary, theres also a reggan bumper sticker in there and a bunch of gritch and tits to get er done lick on tattoos, I had a made up special, I think your fine, now call me, don't call out tell one o'clock though cause I'm usually on the phone talkin' to one of them 900 talk dirty girls.

Love in Christ,
Larry the cable guy

Larry the Cable Guy - A Very Larry Christmas

Nov 2004

1. Christmas Commentary
2. The Christmas Story
3. Santy For A Day
4. Oh Holy Crap
5. Fat Holiday Relatives
6. Singing Christmas Tree
7. A Letter To Shania Twain
8. O Little Girl From Birmingham
9. Waiter Commentary
10. Donny The Retard
11. Pissed-Off Christmas Poem
12. The Most Wonderful Ass
13. Titty Bar Christmas
14. Easy-To-Assemble
15. The First Queer Santy Claus
16. Fruitcake Commentary
17. Santy Claus, Santy Claus
18. I Pissed My Pants
19. Christmas Weight Gain
20. Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story
21. On The First Day Of Christmas
22. Redneck Santa Claus
23. Hark, The Hairlip Angel
24. A Letter To Santy Claus
25. Sticks And Horse Turds
26. Call A Doctor
27. Gift-Giving
28. I Wish My Mother-In-Law'd Get Hit By A Car