The Christmas Story Lyrics

this is the christmas story as told by my drunk grandpa. Many years ago in hepsaba a child was born to Fred and Doris Ombree he was a very speciel child for he was concived in a foghat concert in the thrid row during the song slow ride knowing that she was pregnet scared the bejesus out of Fred cause he worked only as a hush puppy cook down there at the long john silvers they decided to name the child bejesus.Fred and Doris who was pregnant with bejesus stopped at a best western for the night cause her water broke and he wanted go to sambo's for a short stack and some cheese grits however the best western had a convention of shriners so they had to sleep in their van in the parking lot for the night that night bejesus was born and they wrapped in swaddlen richard beddy bed sheets and layed him in a milk crate just then three wise men with two year degrees from devrie instiute of tecnology showed up with gifts of colas, frankin furters and buns and they grilled out in spake of hope and love and festicter plates to be used at taladaga little bejesus grew and studied and spoke pylochical phrases like who ever smelt it delt it and its better to burp and taste it then to fart and waste it. He once healed a 1979 camero by rebuilding the carberator and he brought back to life a delta 88 by puttin in a engine of 1969 formula fired with a shift kit gla*s kit buffers. every body loved bejesus of hepsaba he graduated from Devrie with a degree in dryowalloge he was the greatest of all drywallers then one night tragady a hatian imiagrant killed Bejesus for two dollars and twenty cents and a coupoun off the barbbeque joint but he still lives on in the hearts of ruffers and drywallers and construction workers everywhere, god bless bejesus of Hepsaba

Larry the Cable Guy - A Very Larry Christmas

Nov 2004

1. Christmas Commentary
2. The Christmas Story
3. Santy For A Day
4. Oh Holy Crap
5. Fat Holiday Relatives
6. Singing Christmas Tree
7. A Letter To Shania Twain
8. O Little Girl From Birmingham
9. Waiter Commentary
10. Donny The Retard
11. Pissed-Off Christmas Poem
12. The Most Wonderful Ass
13. Titty Bar Christmas
14. Easy-To-Assemble
15. The First Queer Santy Claus
16. Fruitcake Commentary
17. Santy Claus, Santy Claus
18. I Pissed My Pants
19. Christmas Weight Gain
20. Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story
21. On The First Day Of Christmas
22. Redneck Santa Claus
23. Hark, The Hairlip Angel
24. A Letter To Santy Claus
25. Sticks And Horse Turds
26. Call A Doctor
27. Gift-Giving
28. I Wish My Mother-In-Law'd Get Hit By A Car