The Mule Session

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!) Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got But I've got my mule He's a very, very nice mule He walks with me home from school Cause he's a very, very nice mule When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel But now he prefers to dine on his own stool He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul Cause he's a very, very pious mule When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel Cause he's a very, very Old school mule A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel (coughing) When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool' Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule (snoring) Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over! After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog' I was just kidding you