Crazy Rap

Wait a minute, man, hey, check this out, tell it It was this blind man, right? Man, check this out it was this blind man, right? He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right? Hey, he walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'? He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said '€œWoo, good morning ladies'€, you like that shit, man? Hey, man, I got a gang of that shit, man, I tell you what My man on the guitar, fool on the drums Everybody just crowd around the mic I'll tell you all these mutha-f**kin' jokes But first, I'ma start it off like this Hey, help me sing it, homeboy Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby, that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns Singing them dirty rap songs stop and hit the bong Like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palm Dale, skatin' on Dayton rims So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville If my tapes and my CD's just don't sell, I bet my caddy will Well, it was just sundown in a small white town They call it East Side Palm Dale When the Afroman walked through the white land Houses went up for sale Well, I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap CD's When I met a little girl named Jan I let her ride in my Caddy 'cause I didn't know Her daddy was the leader of the Klu Klux Klan We f**ked on the bed, f**ked on the flo' f**ked so long, I grew a f**kin' afro Then I f**ked to the left, f**ked to the right She s*cked my d**k till the shit turned white I thought to myself, '€œSheba, Sheba Got my a*s lookin' like a zebra'€ I pulled on my clothes and I was on my way Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet I ran, I jumped out the back window But her daddy, he was waitin' with a 2 x 4 Oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right The mutha-f**ker whooped my a*s all night But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad That's the best damn pus*y I ever had I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine I'm a f**k that bitch just one more time Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns Singing them dirty rap songs stop and hit the bong Like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palm Dale, skatin' on Dayton rims So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup De Ville If my tapes and my CD's just don't sell, I bet my caddy will I met this lady in Hollywood, she had green hair But damn she looked good I took her to my house, 'cause she was fine But she whipped out a d**k that was bigger than mine I met this lady from Japan, never made love with an African I f**ked her once, I f**ked her twice I ate that pus*y like shrimp fried rice Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya I met a woman in the heart of Australia Had a big butt and big titties, too So I hopped in her a*s like a kangaroo See, I met this lady from Hawaii Stuck it in her a*s, and she said, '€œAie'€ Lips was breakfast, pus*y was lunch Then her titties busted open with Hawaiian Punch Met Colonel Sander's wife in the state of Kentucky She said, '€œI'll fry some chicken if you just f**k me'€ I came in her mouth it was a crisis I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns Singing them dirty rap songs stop and hit the bong Like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong Hey, wait a minute man, check this out I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee Her titties were filled with Hennessey That country music nearly drove me crazy But I rode that a*s and said, '€œYes, Miss Daisy'€ Met this lady in Oklahoma put that pus*y in a coma Met this lady in Michigan, I can't wait till I f**k that bitch again Met a real black girl in South Carolina f**ked her till she turned into a white albino f**ked this hooker in Iowa, I f**ked her on credit, so I owe her f**ked this girl, down in Georgia, came in her mouth Man, I thought I told ya Met this beautiful s*xy ho She just ran 'cross the border of Mexico Fine young thing, said her name's Maria I wrapped her up just like a Hot Tortilla I wanna get married, but I can't afford it I know I'ma cry when she gets deported Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns Singing them dirty rap songs stop and hit the bong Like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong Have you ever went over to a girl's house to f**k But the pus*y just ain't no good? (Say what?) And then you're getting' upset 'cause you can't get her wet Plus you in the wrong neighborhood? So you try to play it off and eat the pus*y But it takes her so long to come (Say what?) Then a dude walks in, that's her big boyfriend And he asks you where you from? (Where you from, man?) So you wipe your mouth, and you try to explain (I don't bang) You start talkin' real fast But he's already mad, 'cause you f**kin' his wife So he starts beatin' on your a*s Now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bloody Your d**k was hard but now it's soft (What?) You thought you had a girl to rock your world Now you still gotta go jack off Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed ...