Bizarre Christmas Incident

(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let's tell them a little story about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell 'em 'bout Christmas) Christmas Eve, I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney Who could it be? (I'll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep) And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes A whale of a corpe with a long white beard Was dangling over the fire oh, Santa he's a big fat f**k Went down the chimney got his fat a*s stuck Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast 'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my a*s hey, hey, hey (Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell 'em what you saw, tell 'em what you saw grandpa) I gotta tell you folks, He wasn't wearin no clothes He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil from his back down to his toes While I was talking to the cops outside The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double-wide What a sad, sad way to die Hey, hey, hey Santa, he's a big, fat f**k went down the chimney, got his fat a*s oh, honey call the lawyers fast, Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our a*s