Army

Well I thought about the army Dad said, "Son you're f**king high" And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything So I took my old man's advice Three sad semesters It was only fifteen grand spent in bed I thought about the army I dropped out and joined a band instead Grew a moustache and a mullet Got a job at Chic-fil-a Citing artistic differences The band broke up in May And in June reformed without me And they'd got a different name I nuked another grandma's apple pie And hung my head in shame I know, I've been thinking a lot today I've been thinking a lot today Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay Oh, I think I'll take it to L. A. Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday In this time of introspection On the eve of my election I say to my reflection "God, please spare me more rejection" 'Cause my peers, they criticize me And my ex-wives all despise me Try to put it all behind me But my redneck past is nipping at my heels I've been thinking a lot today I've been thinking a lot today I've been thinking a lot today I thought about the army