Bizarre Christmas Incident Lyrics
The song Bizarre Christmas Incident is performed by Ben Folds .
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Ho, ho, ho, play it grandpa
Yeah, play it, let's tell them a little story
About what happened this Christmas
Yeah, tell them, tell 'em 'bout Christmas
Christmas eve, I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney
Who could it be?
I'll tell you what it was
What happened then, Ben? Yeah, what happened?
Well, I went back to sleep
You went back to sleep? Back to sleep?
Shit tired man, went back to sleep
And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes
A whale of a corpe with a long white beard
Was dangling over the fire
Oh, Santa he's a big fat f**k
Went down the chimney got his fat a*s stuck
Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast
'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my a*s
Hey, hey, hey
Okay grandpa, step up
Sing in this thing right here
Tell 'em what you saw
Tell 'em what you saw grandpa
I gotta tell you folks
He wasn't wearin' no clothes
He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil
From his back down to his toes
While I was talking to the cops outside
The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double wide
What a sad, sad way to die
Hey, hey, hey
Santa, he's a big, fat f**k
Went down the chimney, got his fat a*s
Oh, honey call the lawyers fast
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our a*s