Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues

Well, I was feelin' sad and kind of blue I didn't know what I was gonna do The Communists were comin' around They was in the air, they were on the ground They were all over So I ran down most hurriedly And joined the John Birch Society I got me a secret membership card Went back to my backyard And started looking on the sidewalk 'Neath the rose bush Well, I was lookin' everywhere for them gold darned Reds I got up in the mornin' and looked under my bed Looked behind the kitchen, behind the door Even tore loose the kitchen floor, couldn't find any I looked beneath the sofa, beneath the chair Looking for them Reds everywhere I looked way up my chimney hole Even looked deep inside my toilet bowl They got away I heard some footsteps by the front porch door So I grabbed my shotgun from the floor I snuck around the house with a huff and hiss and "Hands up, you Communist" it was a mail man He punched me out Well, I quit my job so I could work alone I got a magnifying gla*s like Sherlock Holmes Followed some clues from my detective bag And discovered they was red stripes on the American flag Did you know about Betsy Ross Well, I was sittin' home alone and I started to sweat I figured they was in my television set I peeked behind the picture frame And got a shock from my feet that hit my brain Them Reds did it, no one's on the hootin' nanny Well, I finally started thinkin' straight When I run outta things to investigate I couldn't imagine doin' anything else So now I'm at home investigatin' myself Hope, I don't find out too much, good God