Diet Song

Breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die So pa*s me a carrot stick peel me a prune a gla*s of skim milk and that's all Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it's drivin' me right up the wall And I'm thinkin' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and cake And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream And I'm starvin' to death when I wake [ guitar ] Supper two pieces of cauliflower raw some beefsteak the size of a nail One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose girl that's the least you can do Put down that candy bar while I'm singin' I'm starvin' my pants off for you You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes But it's bouillon and water for me Hey you got a lock on the refrigerator Lord knows where you're hidin' the key While I'm starvin' for food late at night I'm starvin' for lovin' from you But you say that when I can see my own d**k you'll be glad to look at it too So pa*s me a carrot stick peel me a prune a gla*s of skim milk and that's all You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons are drivin' me right off the wall Now when I am dead with the insurance paid you'll look down at me and you'll grin You'll say well the boy tried and he suffered and died But don't he look good when he's thin oh my And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die