Black Winter Day

Yeah, most of my adult life I've been torn into two If you love me, then I love you and this song is for you It's tight hard when you know what you said And your shorty seein' you as an emotional wreck The closer I get, it's like the farther I feel And my heart has turned into this heavy armor and steel It's hard to be real, hard to listen to the dumb shit And I take a lot of pills 'cause it numbs shit I wish I had another path to follow Wish that I could be a man and learn to pa*s the bottle A graphic novel, my future a box or an urn Havin' dreams about death, but I'm not that concerned And I'm diseased, through the seasons they turn Watchin' leaves from the trees turn disease and they burn I'm eager to learn, but I'm holdin' my breath And everyday alive is just another closer to death Yeah, I've been alive longer then I expected to be And took care of everything that's expected of me Took care of my girl and my mother I told her that I'm always here and I love her I handle shit differently 'cause I'm grown now And the truth is that I'd rather be alone now I'd rather not have to deal with the day And I hate when people ask me how I'm feelin' today My brother Rasul, we had a beef and grudge But we grew up together, cousin, so it's peace and love I wish all the best, I wish all the shine I wish I didn't wanna offer my thoughts with a nine I'm thoughtful and kind, but I'm evil alas But everything I love has turned to a tedious task I feel that life a waiting game for people to pa*s But nobody ever want you to see through the mask Yeah, I don't wanna be a burden to y'all I just wanna know exactly what my purpose is for I feel like nothin' I do is ever right And that I'm actin' a fool another night And I admit, I don't take care of myself So I do a lot of thinkin' and preparing myself 'Cause the fact is my father died young and I might, too And it ain't any way to tell what I might do I don't wanna leave my mother behind I don't want for her to cry, because the struggle is mine I don't want for her to grind no more I don't want for her to work a 9-to-5 no more I ain't have to work a f**kin' 9-to-5 before So I'm tryin' to get this money to provide for y'all And if the shit ain't work out and I'm suddenly gone Just remember that the motherf**kin' love isn't gone Pazman