Katrina
I was the kind of kid back in school Who wore a 'Members Only' jacket and said it was cool That's when I met Katrina, she was best friends with Seshel I thought she was the one, yeah, I thought that she was special I saw her in the hall about a quarter to three I said, 'I'll take you in my Nova to the Tasty Freeze' She said, 'I know all about you, more than I should I know all about your dirty mags you keep in the wood' So tell me, how I'm supposed to be When I've been stalked by a lesbian? I can't sleep a wink And I'm married to the ephedrine How am I supposed to sleep When I've been stalked by a lesbian now? Stalked by a lesbian now Now don't take it light, it might seem funny to you Yesterday my science project was covered in glue So I asked that guy Seshel, I said, 'Was it something I said?' He said, 'Quit being so f**king paranoid, it's all in your head' The way she's looking at me, I think she wants me to be The guy that always gets shot in every movie you see Oh God, she's walking this way, oh God, what could I say? And I hope and I pray that one day she's gonna be straight So tell me, how I'm supposed to be When I've been stalked by a lesbian? I can't sleep a wink And I'm married to the ephedrine How am I supposed to sleep When I've been stalked by a lesbian now? Stalked by a lesbian now Stalked by a lesbian now So I was at a bar the other night and I looked across the room And there's this girl and she walks up to me She's beautiful and she says 'Hey, I'm Katrina, dude, remember me?' And I freaked, I said, 'Oh my God, I thought you looked familiar' About this time, this 400 f**king pound woman walks up With Katrina's face tattooed on the side of her neck She comes waddling up and says, 'Don't f**k with my girl' I looked at Jabba straight in the f**king eye and I say 'Don't worry, every time I picture Katrina's face It's gonna be on the side of your gross, fat-a*sed, 3 chinned neck' She says, 'Are you stupid?', I say, "No, I'm just sober' So tell me, how I'm supposed to be When I've been stalked by a lesbian? I can't sleep a wink And I'm married to the ephedrine How am I supposed to sleep When I've been stalked by a lesbian now? Stalked by a lesbian now Stalked by a lesbian now I hope she beat the shit outta you, you homophobic
Math and Other Problems
Aug 1997