Draft Dodger Rag

I'm just a typical American boy From a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Dodd And an keepin' old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red But when I got to my old draft board Buddy, this is what I said Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm goin' to school And I'm workin' in a defense plant I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes I can hardly reach my knees And if the enemy ever came close to me Well, I'd probably start to sneeze Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school And I'm workin' in a defense plant I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies But I think you gotta see That if someone's gotta go over there That someone isn't me So, have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall Yeah, kill me a thousand or so And if you ever get a war without any gore Well, I'll be the first to go Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear I got to water my rubber tree plant Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school And I'm workin' in a defense plant Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school And I'm workin' in a defense plant