They're Either Too Young Or Too Old

They're either too young, or too old They're either too gray or too gra*sy green The pickings are poor and the crop is lean What's good is in the army What's left will never harm me They're either too old or too young So, darling, you'll never get stung Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess I'll never, never fail ya While you are in Australia Or off among the Rooshians And flying over Egypt Your heart will never be gypped And when you get to India I'll still be what I've been to ya I've looked the field over And lo and behold They're either too young or too old They're either too bald or too bold I'm down to the wheelchair and ba*sinet My heart just refuses to get upset I simply can't compel it to With no Marine to tell it to I'm either their first breath of spring Or else, I'm their last little fling I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup I either have to hold him off Or have to hold him up The battle is on, but the fortress will hold They're either too young or too old