Boat Train

I met with napper tandy And I shook him by the hand He said "hold me up for chrissake For I can hardly stand" The most disgraceful journey On which I've ever been The last time that I travelled on The boat train I had a couple of drinks in town A few more at the port I puked up on the gangway But some kind folks helped me board They helped me to a table Poured whiskey down my throat They sat me at a table And I lost my watch and coat First we drank some whiskey Then we drank some gin Then we drank tequila I think that's what did me in Then we drank some brandy And the women had a dance The steward then announced That we could play the game of "chance" We crowded round the table With our money in our hands I ended up on the other side Without a penny in my pants I woke up in the toilet When we got to holyhead The doors were all a-banging And I wished that I was dead Then we went through customs A couple of credited thugs First they looked for [bombs] and joints Then they looked for drugs Stuck a flashlight up my a*s Told us where there's jobs Said "f**k off" now paddy So I headed for [the s]moke On the boat train (or then we went through customs With a couple of crazy thugs First they looked for [bombs] and joints Then they looked for drugs Stuck a flashlight up my a*s Told some irish jokes Said "f**k off now, paddy" So I headed for [the s]moke On the boat train ) We got on board the train And then we had a drink or two Started playing poker But the booze ran out at crewe Some people started sleeping Others looked for duty free Some bastard started singing "the little cottage by the lee" He then sang "paper roses" "boolavogue" "eileen aru" Somebody started slagging off The pakis and the jews First I found some whiskey Then I found some gin I sat down in the corner And I read the daily news First I drank the whiskey Then I drank the gin I tried to make the toilet And I broke my f**kin shin Next thing that I knew I was in london in the rain Staggering up the platform Off the boat train