Damnation's Cellar

Did anybody notice, over marmalade and eggs In between the princess' legs What with wars and floods and beggars Not to mention stocks and shares If you have a moment to spare Can you write and rea*sure me that I have seen They're constructing a time machine And there will be no need for the obituary pages We can have any hero from the bygone ages 'Til the truth emerges, the argument rages The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place? Down in damnation's cellar When any form of deity that you might enjoy Can be conjured with a test-tube and a flame If it's out there then science can explain it Or at least remove the blame And if there's anyone, you'd like to see again and speak up quickly Send us back Da Vinci then we don't have to ponder The maddening smile of La Giaconda The critics say Nijinsky, the dancer, of course While the punters would probably prefer the horse You'll find it's quicker than history, cheaper than divorce The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place? Down in damnation's cellar Bring back Liberace or Ollie and Stan Shakespeare will have to wait his turn Elvis Presley and Puccini shall return, I suppose we live and learn Though it's hard to believe as we cheerfully burn It's curious, some will call for justice There are murders to solve What about Hitler? Or at least Lee Harvey Oswald Give us this day and everything we squander Anyone beautiful, somebody blonder They'll never please mankind, so lie back and enjoy it Stop press, they've just decided to destroy it The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place? Down in damnation's cellar