Miss Baltimore Crabs

VELMA Front step cha cha cha Side step cha cha cha Side step front step Back and turn Oh Amber, look at this motley crew! This town sure has gone downhill since I was crowned "Miss Baltimore Crabs" AMBER Oh Mother not more ancient history VELMA Oh my God How times have changed These girls must be blind or Completely deranged But time seemed to halt When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Amber! That move is far too dirty AMBER Mother, wake up from that dream of yours. This isn't 1930! VELMA You can laugh but life's a test Don't do this, don't do that Remember Mother knows best For the crown's in the vault From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs" AMBER These steps are perfect ammunition VELMA Let me show you how your mommy dear Took out the competiton Girls, go get em! Boys, let's rhumba! Those poor runner-ups May still hold some grudges They padded their 'cups' But I screwed the judges Those braods thought they'd win If a plate they would spin In their dance Not a chance! Boys, put me down. Good morning ladies Let's see what you've got. COUNCIL GIRLS Twist twist twist twist mashed potato mambo VELMA Ready? Begin, on my show you'll never find A thrusting hip or bump and grind AMBER What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks? VELMA You should have seen my bag of tricks! Ohh I hit the stage batons ablaze While belting Aida And preparing souffles But that triple sommersault Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Proceed... TAMMY Are you scared? We're on life. TRACY No, I'm sure I can cope! AMBER Well, this show isn't broadcast In... COUNCIL GIRLS ...Cinemascope VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt No desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs" AMBER This one will never get a date In those hand me down clothes VELMA Kid, she'll never get a date 'Til daddy buys her a new nose I would say 'oy gevalt if I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs AMBER Do you dance like you dress LINK Amber, there's no need to be cruel! VELMA Would you swim in an integrated pool? TRACY I sure would. I'm all for Integration. It's the new frontier! VELMA Not in Baltimore it isn't. And may I be frank? First impressions can be tough And when I saw you I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it! And so, my deear so short and stout You'll never be "in" VELMA/COUNCIL KIDS So we're kicking you out! VELMA With your form and your face Awww, it isn't your fault You're just down with a case of "Miss... VELMA/COUNCIL KIDS ...Baltimore... VELMA ...Crabs!" You may go TRACY Um...thank you PENNY I think they secretly liked you LITTLE INEZ May I please audition? VELMA Of course not, But you can bow and exalt! 'Cause I am "Miss Baltimore... VELMA/COUNCIL KIDS Crabs!!!" Crabs, crabs, crabs!!!