The Cigar Song

Well,l I'm a s*cker for fine Cuban cigars The problem is I can't afford 'em But last year I went and got myself a whole box And just to be safe I insured 'em. Chorus: I took out a policy against fire and theft And then I hurried home With a fifty-cent lighter I sat on my back steps And I smoked 'em one by one. Two weeks later I went to see that insurance man And I handed in my claim With a straight face I told him that through a series of small fires They'd all gone up in flames. Chorus: They reviewed my case and they had no choice But to pay me for what I'd done And I took that check and bought a whole new box And I smoked 'em one by one. --- Instrumental --- Two weeks later this detective shows up Tells me that company's pressin' charges One speedy trial later, they locked me up On twenty-four separate counts of arson. Chorus: And now I sit and I stare at a blank brick wall Lookin' back on what I've done To pa*s the time I've got some ten-cent cigars And I smoke 'em one by one. Yeah, I smoke 'em one by one...