Joe's Garage

A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry. Central Scrutinizer: We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park. Frank Zappa: (It makes it's own sauce...) Joe: It wasn't very large There was just enough room to cram the drums In the corner over by the Dodge It was a fifty-four With a mashed up door And a cheesy little amp With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ" And a second hand guitar It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song... Larry: We could jam in Joe's Garage His mama was screamin' His dad was mad We was playin' the same old song In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, 'n' easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong All we did was bend the string like... Hey! Down in Joe's Garage We didn't have no dope or LSD But a coupla quartsa beer Would fix it so the intonation Would not offend yer ear And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over Became a symphony We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again 'Cause it sounded good to me ONE MORE TIME! We could jam in Joe's Garage His mama was screamin', "TURN IT DOWN!" We was playing' the same old song In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, and easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong Even if you played it on a saxophone We thought we was pretty good We talked about keepin' the band together 'N' we figured that we should 'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye From the girls in the neighborhood They'd all come over 'n' dance around like... Twenty teen-age girls dash in and go STOMP-CLAP, STOMP-CLAP-CLAP... So we picked out a stupid name Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks 'N' we was on our way to fame Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots 'N' a sign on the back of the car 'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar ONE TWO THREE FOUR LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE! People seemed to like our song They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise An' it wasn't 'fore very long A guy from a company we can't name Said we oughta take his pen 'N' sign on the line for a real good time But he didn't tell us when These "good times" would be somethin' That was really happenin' So the band broke up An' it looks like We will never play again... Joe: Guess you only get one chance in life To play a song that goes like... (And, as the band plays their little song, MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY, in the closet with the vacuum cleaner) screams out the window... Mrs. Borg: Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have children sleeping here... Don't you boys know any nice songs? Joe: (Speculating on the future) Well the years was rollin' by, yeah Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock Had caught the public eye, yeah Snotty boys with lipstick on Was really flyin' high, yeah 'N' then they got that Disco thing 'N' New Wave came along 'N' all of a sudden I thought the time Had come for that old song We used to play in "Joe's Garage" And if I am not wrong You will soon be dancin' to... Central Scrutinizer: The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it... Joe: Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)... Mrs. Borg: I'm calling THE POLICE! I did it! They'll be here...shortly! Officer Butzis: This is the Police... Mrs. Borg: I'm not joking around anymore Officer Butzis: We have the garage surrounded If you give yourself up We will not harm you Or hurt you neither Mrs. Borg: You'll see them Officer Butzis: This is the Police Mrs. Borg: There they are, they're coming! Officer Butzis: Give yourself up We will not harm you Mrs. Borg: Listen to that mess, would you? Officer Butzis: This is the Police Give yourself up We have the garage surrounded Mrs. Borg: Everday this goes on around here! Officer Butzis: We will not harm you, or maim you (SWAT Team 4, move in!) Mrs. Borg: He used cut my gra*s... He was very nice boy... That's DISGUSTING!! Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law. Naturally, we were easy on him. One of our friendly counselors gave him A do-nut...and told him to Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.