If You Were Gay - Rick Lyon With John Tartaglia Lyrics

ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD
Hi Nicky.

NICKY
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning.
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD
That's very interesting.

NICKY
He was being real friendly,
And I think he was coming on to me.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY
Yeah, but...

ROD
OVER!!!

NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read....
What?!

NICKY
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD
Nicky!

NICKY
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,

ROD
Argh!

NICKY
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD
What?

NICKY
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD
I would?

NICKY
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?

ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD
I am not listening!

NICKY
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD
La la la la la!

NICKY
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD
Aaaah!

NICKY
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY
If you were gay.

ROD
Argh!

Various Artists - Avenue Q (2003 Original Broadway Cast)

Dec 2024

1. Come True - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Rick Lyon
2. Everyone's A Little Bit Racist - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada
3. For Now - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Ann Harada, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Jennifer Barnhart
4. I Wish I Could Go Back To College - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia
5. I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today - Jordan Gelber With Ann Harada
6. If You Were Gay - Rick Lyon With John Tartaglia
7. It Sucks To Be Me - Jordan Gelber, Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Rick Lyon, Ann Harada, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jennifer Barnhart
8. Mix Tape - Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia
9. My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada - John Tartaglia
10. Purpose - John Tartaglia & Company
11. Schadenfreude - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon
12. School For Monsters/the Money Song (reprise) - Rick Lyon & Company
13. Special - Stephanie D'abruzzo With The Guys
14. The Avenue Q Theme - Company
15. The Internet Is For Porn - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon & The Guys
16. The Money Song - Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Natalie Venetia Belcon With Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada, Jennifer Barnhart
17. The More You Ruv Someone - Ann Harada, Stephanie D'abruzzo
18. There Is Life Outside Your Apartment - Jordan Gelber, John Tartaglia & Company
19. There's A Fine, Fine Line (reprise) - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Ann Harada
20. There's A Fine, Fine Line - Stephanie D'abruzzo
21. What Do You Do With A B.ain English? (reprise) - Rick Lyon With Natalie Venetia Belcon, John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber & Jennifer Barnhart
22. What Do You Do With A B.ain English? - John Tartaglia
23. You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (when You're Makin' Love) - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon, Jennifer Barnhart & Ensemble With Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada