If You Were Gay - Rick Lyon With John Tartaglia
ROD Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this? NICKY Oh,hi Rod! ROD Hi Nicky. NICKY Hey Rod, you'll never Guess what happened to Me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me ROD That's very interesting. NICKY He was being real friendly, And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay! ROD Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today? NICKY Oh, you don't have to get All defensive about it, Rod... ROD I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read. NICKY Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about. ROD I don't want to talk about it, Nicky! This conversation is over!!! NICKY Yeah, but... ROD OVER!!! NICKY Well, okay, but just so you know IF YOU WERE GAY THAT'D BE OKAY. I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY. BECAUSE YOU SEE, IF IT WERE ME, I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY (BUT I'M NOT GAY.) ROD Nicky, please! I am trying to read.... What?! NICKY IF YOU WERE QUEER ROD Ah, Nicky! NICKY I'D STILL BE HERE, ROD Nicky, I'm trying to read this book. NICKY YEAR AFTER YEAR ROD Nicky! NICKY BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME, ROD Argh! NICKY AND I KNOW THAT YOU ROD What? NICKY WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO, ROD I would? NICKY IF I TOLD YOU TODAY, "HEY! GUESS WHAT, I'M GAY!" (BUT I'M NOT GAY.) I'M HAPPY JUST BEING WITH YOU. ROD High Button Shoes, Pal Joey... NICKY SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS? ROD Nicky, that's GROSS! NICKY No it's not! IF YOU WERE GAY I'D SHOUT HOORAY! ROD I am not listening! NICKY AND HERE I'D STAY, ROD La la la la la! NICKY BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY. ROD Aaaah! NICKY YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO ALWAYS BE BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY, TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY, YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY, AND, AS THEY SAY, IT'S IN YOUR DNA, YOU'RE GAY! ROD BUT I'M NOT GAY! NICKY If you were gay. ROD Argh!
- Come True - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Rick Lyon
- Everyone's A Little Bit Racist - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada
- For Now - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Ann Harada, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Jennifer Barnhart
- I Wish I Could Go Back To College - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia
- I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today - Jordan Gelber With Ann Harada
- If You Were Gay - Rick Lyon With John Tartaglia
- It Sucks To Be Me - Jordan Gelber, Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Rick Lyon, Ann Harada, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jennifer Barnhart
- Mix Tape - Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia
- My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada - John Tartaglia
- Purpose - John Tartaglia & Company
- Schadenfreude - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon
- School For Monsters/the Money Song (reprise) - Rick Lyon & Company
- Special - Stephanie D'abruzzo With The Guys
- The Avenue Q Theme - Company
- The Internet Is For Porn - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon & The Guys
- The Money Song - Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Natalie Venetia Belcon With Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada, Jennifer Barnhart
- The More You Ruv Someone - Ann Harada, Stephanie D'abruzzo
- There Is Life Outside Your Apartment - Jordan Gelber, John Tartaglia & Company
- There's A Fine, Fine Line (reprise) - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Ann Harada
- There's A Fine, Fine Line - Stephanie D'abruzzo
- What Do You Do With A B.ain English? (reprise) - Rick Lyon With Natalie Venetia Belcon, John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber & Jennifer Barnhart
- What Do You Do With A B.ain English? - John Tartaglia
- You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (when You're Makin' Love) - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon, Jennifer Barnhart & Ensemble With Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada