What Do You Do With A B.ain English? - John Tartaglia Lyrics

[Brian]
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college,
And plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree!
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race!

[Kate]
Morning Brian!

[Brian]
Hi, Kate Monster

[Kate]
How's life?

[Brian]
Disappointing

[Kate]
What's the matter?

[Brian]
The catering company laid me off

[Kate]
Oh, I'm sorry

[Brian]
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm 10 years out of college,
And I always thought...
[Kate]
What?

[Brian]
No it sounds stupid.

[Kate]
Oh c'mon!

[Brian]
When I was little,
I thought I would be,
(Kate)
What?
(Brian)
A big comedian on late-night TV!
(Kate)
Oh!
(Brian)
But now I'm 32 and as u can see,
I'm not,
(Kate)
Nope
oh well,
It s*cks to be me!
(Kate)
No
It s*cks to be me!
(Kate)
No
It s*cks to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33!
It s*cks to be me!

[Kate]
You think your life s*cks?

[Brian]
I think so

[Kate]
Your problems aren't so bad
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart.

[Brian]
You are
[Kate]
Thanks
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart,
So why don't I have a boyfriend?
f**k!
It s*cks to be me!

[Brian]
Me too!

[Kate]
It s*cks to be me!

[Brian]
It s*cks to be me!
It s*cks to be Brian

[Kate]
And Kate

[Brian]
To not have a job

[Kate]
To not have a date

[Both]
It s*cks to be me!

[Rod/Nicky arguing]

[Brian]
Hey Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us if you have a second?

[Rod]
Oh, certainly

[Kate]
Whose life s*cks more, Brian's or mine?

[Rod and Nicky]
OURS!

[Rod]
We live together

[Nicky]
We're close as people can get

[Rod]
We've been the best of buddies

[Brian]
Ever since the day we met

[Rod]
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!! Oh!
Every day is an aggravation

[Nicky]
C'mon that's an exaggeration

[Rod]
You leave your clothes out,
You put your feet on my chair

[Nicky]
Oh yea? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!

[Rod]
You make that very small apartment we share, a hell!

[Brian]
So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!

[Rod]
It s*cks to be me!

[Nicky]
No it s*cks to be me!

[Kate]
It s*cks to be me!

[Brian]
It s*cks to be me!

[All]
Is there anybody here it doesn't s*ck to be?
It s*cks to be me!

[Christmas Eve]
Why u all so happy?

[Brian]
'Cause our lives s*ck!

[Christmas Eve]
Your lives s*ck?
I hearing u correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country, for opportunities,
Try to work in Korean deli,
But I a Japanese!
But with hard work I earned two master degrees!
In social work,
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!
And I have unemployed fiancé,
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It s*cks to be me!
It s*cks to be me!
I say it s*cka, s*cka, s*cka, s*cka,
s*cka, s*cka, s*cka, s*cka, s*cka,
s*cka, s*cka, s*cka, s*ck!
It s*cks to be me!

[Princeton]
Uh excuse me,
Sorry to bother u, but I'm looking for a place to live

[Christmas Eve]
Why u looking out here?

[Princeton]
Well, I started in Avenue A,
But so far everything's out of my price range,
But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper.
Oh and look a for rent sign!

[Brian]
You need to talk to the superintendent,
Let me get him.

[Princeton]
Great! Thanks!

[Brian]
YO GARY!!

[Gary Coleman]
I'm coming! I'm coming!

[Princeton]
Oh my God it's Gary Coleman!

[Gary Coleman]
Yes I am!
I'm Gary Coleman,
From TVs different strokes.
I made a lot of money,
That got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes!
But I'm here, the superintendent
On Avenue Q!


[All]
It s*cks to be you!

[Kate]
You win!

[All]
It s*cks to be you!


[Brian]
I feel better now!

[Gary Coleman]
Try having people stopping you to ask you,
Whatch-you talkin' 'bout Willis?
It gets old.

[All]
It s*cks to be you!
On Avenue Q!!
s*cks to be me!
On Avenue Q!
s*cks to be you
On Avenue Q
s*cks to be us
But not when were together!
We're together here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too,
Till our dreams come true!
We live on Avenue Q

[Princeton]
This is real life!

[All]
We live on Avenue Q

[Nicky]
You're gonna love it!

[All]
We live on Avenue Q

[Gary Coleman]
Here's your keys!

[All]
Welcome, to Avenue Q!

Various Artists - Avenue Q (2003 Original Broadway Cast)

Dec 2024

1. Come True - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Rick Lyon
2. Everyone's A Little Bit Racist - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada
3. For Now - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Ann Harada, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Jennifer Barnhart
4. I Wish I Could Go Back To College - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia
5. I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today - Jordan Gelber With Ann Harada
6. If You Were Gay - Rick Lyon With John Tartaglia
7. It Sucks To Be Me - Jordan Gelber, Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Rick Lyon, Ann Harada, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Jennifer Barnhart
8. Mix Tape - Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia
9. My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada - John Tartaglia
10. Purpose - John Tartaglia & Company
11. Schadenfreude - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon
12. School For Monsters/the Money Song (reprise) - Rick Lyon & Company
13. Special - Stephanie D'abruzzo With The Guys
14. The Avenue Q Theme - Company
15. The Internet Is For Porn - Stephanie D'abruzzo, Rick Lyon & The Guys
16. The Money Song - Rick Lyon, John Tartaglia, Natalie Venetia Belcon With Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada, Jennifer Barnhart
17. The More You Ruv Someone - Ann Harada, Stephanie D'abruzzo
18. There Is Life Outside Your Apartment - Jordan Gelber, John Tartaglia & Company
19. There's A Fine, Fine Line (reprise) - John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo With Ann Harada
20. There's A Fine, Fine Line - Stephanie D'abruzzo
21. What Do You Do With A B.ain English? (reprise) - Rick Lyon With Natalie Venetia Belcon, John Tartaglia, Stephanie D'abruzzo, Jordan Gelber & Jennifer Barnhart
22. What Do You Do With A B.ain English? - John Tartaglia
23. You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (when You're Makin' Love) - Natalie Venetia Belcon, Rick Lyon, Jennifer Barnhart & Ensemble With Stephanie D'abruzzo, John Tartaglia, Jordan Gelber, Ann Harada